All Aboard!

We’ve all heard it before. That nagging voice our mothers use when they want something from us, the deceitfully powerful tone our religious school teachers use when they want to beat the “right” decision to a moral dilemma into our malleable brains, the sound of our conscience, consequently, cracking under pressure. What we are experiencing here, at the hands of our educators, religious or otherwise, are the feelings of guilt. It plagues us, follows us around like a lost puppy, rearing its shaggy, but convincing head when it is most unwanted. It is an unconquerable result of our human penchant to put ourselves in morally questionable situations, or tendency to pursue temptation in the face of what will inevitably end with a moment of intrapersonal disappointment. It is unavoidable, we all feel it, and it sucks—now it’s time to get over it.
Perhaps the most valuable representation of the power of guilt comes in the form of sex. Yeah, I said it. S-E-X. Whatever your definition of sexual activity may be, vaginal penetration to some, French kissing to others (G-d help you), I think we can all agree that sexual activity, more often than not, elicits some element of guilt within us. Maybe we feel guilty that we went home with the frat boy with the obnoxiously loud Jewish star necklace hanging strategically in the middle of the American Apparel v-neck that you know he wore just to show off whatever lame excuse for chest hair he may have, because you had told yourself you were done with random hook-ups. Especially with dudes like this. (I’m sorry, but does this not totally remind you of what your Uncle Saul wore at the beach last week while sipping his mai tai in Boca Raton?) Or, maybe, we feel guilty because we had decided to become more religious and, in our attempt to board the train to self-discovery, had sworn off hooking-up, but then, not-so-surprisingly realized that we are HUMAN, and that that is way more easily said than done. Or, if I may be so bold as to claim that, maybe, we were left feeling guilty because we went against the preaching of some rabbi or priest, whom we respect, (and who, we will ultimately find out, is a latent sexual predator…sorry, I had to) and feel as though we betrayed that individual. Who knows, who cares? All that matters is that these feelings of guilt creep up on us and we don’t know what to do with them. But, let me remind you, that sexual activity (for the most part…yay onanism!) happens between two people. If you are feeling guilty, then you can damn-well assume that the other party, even if he or she is not experiencing their own feelings of remorse, is feeling the brunt of your shame. Fasten your seatbelts everyone, you’re going on a guilt trip!
I think the point I am trying to make here would be best elucidated through a real-life example. Without naming any names, I recently found myself involved in a game of sexual cat and mouse with a young man in my college community. What began as a fun exchange of flirtatious and witty remarks via facebook and/or bbm, quickly morphed, as commonly happens with college-aged “men” and me, into a relationship entirely physical, completely devoid of any romantic feelings whatsoever. I would have been okay with this, given my uncanny ability to separate sex from emotion (do as I say, not as I do!); however, this particular boy had decided, before I strutted into his life wearing my obviously sexy leggings and oversized t-shirt and waving my glorious breasts in face, that he was going to try to become more religious. Don’t get me wrong. I find absolutely nothing wrong with trying to get closer to God and discovering the beauty and salvation that religion has to offer. But, I do have a problem when you try to make this attempt at self-discovery my attempt at self-discovery. If I wanted to walk into my local Jewish support and education center and sign myself up for a couple weeks of brainwashing, topped off with a trip to Israel in which I learn to love the land and hate myself, I would have done so a long time ago. I don’t want to join you on your road to redemption! I want to make out and watch TV! So when you realize that you are a living, breathing human being with carnal desires and you, like everyone else, have a difficult time taming the beast, do NOT come crawling to me. I will not be your Jezebel. Keep your guilt to yourself!
I know what some of you may be thinking: But, Danielle, how come you don’t feel guilty? Where is your sense of religious shame? Didn’t you go to seminary and learn the same things I did? My answer to this is, yes, I did go through the same educational system as you, but I have chosen to recognize that I am a freethinking individual with the ability to make my own decisions despite what has been drilled into my psyche by authority figures. I do not feel guilty because I do not think there is anything wrong with acting upon my sexual desires. As long as I do so with intelligence, preparedness, and safety, I see nothing problematic about engaging in a little hanky panky every now and then. And it should not be my problem if you do.
So please, to all of you guys (and girls) who fall prey to your feelings of guilt, do not project it my way. Wake up and think for yourselves. But, if you are not as strong as me (and some of my other girls) and you can’t get over your mommy issues, at least wipe your feet at the damn door and leave your shame on the guilt train.